I’m having great sex with an old school friend — but her politics are a turn off

How I Do Itsex life

This week we hear from Aaron*, a 33-year-old bi-curious man working as a freelance writer in Bristol.

After growing tired of apps like Hinge and Tinder, Aaron made a pledge to himself to try and meet romantic interests in real life.

‘It’s a challenge to find people on dating apps you have stuff in common with and actually have meaningful conversations with that could develop into a relationship,’ Aaron says.

But at a music festival a few weeks ago Aaron bumped into an old school friend, Lisa*. After asking her out, the pair are now dating. ‘It’s early days but the sex we have had has been phenomenal – we communicate amazingly, and we both have similar desires in the bedroom,’ Aaron says.

So, without further ado, let’s take a peek into Aaron’s week…

Monday

When I met Lisa, the conversation flowed and felt great, so I mustered all the self belief I could manage and asked her out – I was thrilled when it worked.

She actually said she had been thinking of doing the same, but I got there first!

The past three dates have been great, but my recent dating experiences haven’t really developed into anything, so I’m still pretty nervous for our date tonight.

After a busy long weekend camping in Cornwall with friends, I return home just in time to shower and pick out an outfit. I decide on black cords, a blue shirt, and a pair of low-top Dr. Martens.

Lisa and I have planned to meet in a park, she’s bringing strawberries and cream and I’m bringing the prosecco. This is our fourth date but because Lisa is an old school friend who I fell out of touch with more than ten years ago, it feels like we’ve skipped a few of the standard steps you go through when you date someone new.

After hours of good conversations and joking around, we walk back to Lisa’s house. We start foreplay on top of the covers in her bedroom, I stroke her neck and stomach gently at first, before speeding up.

Then, as I struggle to remove my top, Lisa helps me before she removes her own with far less fuss. I start to caress her shoulders then massage her elbows then her breasts.

Lisa is really communicative in the bedroom and knows exactly what she enjoys. It encourages me to act in the same way. She asks me to go on top, then she’s on top, and we go through an array of positions until we both climax – only to do the same again around an hour later.

I’ve never really had a sexual partner be so transparent about what they enjoy, so this is really refreshing. Lisa definitely tells me what she likes, which I think is a big reason why we’ve been so sexually compatible.

Tuesday

The alarm is set to go off an hour before Lisa has to get ready for work, so we have time for some more fun in the morning.

We kiss passionately before we move through the stages quickly, both ending up dripping in sweat. We are both just about to finish when suddenly the alarm goes off again to let us know that it’s time to get up.

It kills the mood somewhat – Lisa manages to find her clothes and put them on, almost instantly and heads out the front door.

Last night’s physical exertion and less sleep than I am used to means the day isn’t as productive as I would like it to be. But, I’m in a very good mood and later in the evening I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Wednesday

I wake up rejuvenated, but I won’t be seeing Lisa until Thursday, so today is a day for me to prioritise my work.

After I finish my copy for a magazine article Lisa sends me a photo of herself in the football shirt she somehow managed to steal from me. She looks great!

Later I go out for dinner with friends – when you start dating someone new, I think it’s important to still put time into your other relationships. These people will stay in your life for a lot longer than the people you date, after all.

At the moment, I’m not really looking for anything long-term. A few of my friends are married, I just don’t feel a massive sense of urgency – although I know this could change.

Lisa and I haven’t had any big conversations about our future yet, right now we’re just enjoying each other’s company.

Thursday

I wake up in a good mood and go to my office in the centre of the city. Then I try to get my work done as quickly as possible so that I can grab a shower before meeting Lisa at six.

We are going to sit on Clifton Downs, a park which overlooks the Suspension Bridge, before hopefully going back to her place.

When we meet, Lisa’s hair is in a ponytail, she’s wearing a Lucy and Yak black jumpsuit with black Nike Janowski trainers – she looks effortlessly cool.

A view like this one always stimulates conversation and we talk about past relationships, family and politics.

I’m starting to realise that Lisa doesn’t share some of my radical politics which, if I’m honest, could be a concern in the long term.

Politics is a real deal-breaker for me. At the end of the day it’s the thing which occupies much of my thinking and informs what I read, watch, listen to and write about. My partner and I need to be aligned.

But still, there’s no doubt I really enjoy her company and respect her opinions.

We go back to hers and start kissing passionately on the bed. She puts her hands down my trousers, then I move on top of Lisa before kissing the length of her body until my face is in between her legs.

Lisa seems to be close to coming but tells me to move inside her before she does. I go on top as she grabs her vibrator from the bottom left-hand side of the drawer, and in minutes we both come at the same time – perfection.

Friday

Morning sex is something we both really enjoy, and today, we make sure to set aside an extra 15 minutes compared to Tuesday, so we can fully savour the experience.

Afterwards, we even have time to enjoy coffee and cereal together — a real bonus for me, as breakfast is something I can’t go without.

Over breakfast we start laughing about one of our old schoolteachers, the conversation puts me in a good mood but has meant that I’ve had to sacrifice my usual morning shower.

I kiss Lisa goodbye and then drive back to my office. We both got a good amount of sleep last night and the day of work is a productive one.

Saturday

Lisa and I meet briefly in the morning for coffee, where we chat about our weekend plans. She’s going to a gig, while I’m heading to Pen Y Fan for a climb with two friends.

We won’t be spending the night together tonight, but we both agree that going on dates without sleeping together is important. It helps the relationship grow at a steady pace.

We share a kiss before going our separate ways.

Sunday

Waking up in a tent on the side of a mountain always puts me in a reflective mood.

I’m really proud of myself for asking Lisa on a date, it feels like such a foreign thing to do when this generation’s dating climate is so centred around dating apps.

However, although physically Lisa and I connect amazingly, I’m not completely convinced we’ll last long-term. I think I just need to gain a deeper understanding of her politics before I decide if I’m in it for the long-haul.

I’ve always imagined the person who I end up with will be involved in similar activism as myself. I’d love Lisa to be a bit more passionate about the causes I care about. If we have a conversation about our beliefs and decide they aren’t compatible, that could be the end for me.

One thing that is clear though: in the future, if unfortunately Lisa and I end up going our separate ways, instead of relying on apps, I’ll do my best to have the confidence to ask people out in person.

Even if someone says no, I won’t let it affect my self-esteem. I think it will allow for richer dating experiences.

Good communication and clear intentions are a turn on – this can’t be overstated enough.

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