On the iconic Coronation Street, Eileen Grimshaw is famed for her fearlessness and it usually requires a bold individual to get on her wrong side.
Away from the drama of the cobbles, actress Sue Cleaver has admitted to a low value of self-worth, as she looked for love and validation in “all the wrong places” when growing up. The actor has candidly opened up on her early pregnancy and turbulent teen years in her new memoir ‘A Work In Progress’.
Sue candidly shared: “I looked for love and validation and acceptance in all the wrong places and my first sexual encounters were with somebody who was four or five years older than me. Nowadays that would just be unthinkable, but it wasn’t at the time.
“It was no-one’s fault and my parents, who were fantastic, only ever tried to do their best for me, but like a lot of teenagers I was lost. Nowadays there is awareness around mental health, but when I was that age, we had no concept of it and when I look back, I was very unhappy. I’d never want to re-live that time again.”
Sue, who spent over 25 years gracing our Coronation Street screens as the feisty Eileen and now regularly appears on Loose Women, has opened up on how she struggled to fit in as a teenager. Her past includes losing her virginity to an older boy, running away with a sailor at 16 and an unplanned pregnancy with a man twice her senior.
The 60 year-old continued: “There were boyfriends, one-night stands. I convinced myself that ‘Oh, if I do this, they will love me’. I was always searching for a way to belong. It was tragic really and it breaks my heart to think about it now.
“There’s so much shame wrapped up in my teenage years. I was just searching and searching for someone to make me feel okay. Because I didn’t know how to be okay myself. So, I became really promiscuous.”
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It comes as she gears up for a return to the beloved soap following a spell in theatre, she also spoke of her anxiety issues, particularly around fans as she disclosed her past struggles with self-doubt and anxiety.
Sue candidly said: “For quite a few years, if somebody came up to me in the street, the inside of my stomach muscles would tense up and I’d be thinking: ‘Oh God, don’t come over. Don’t come over. Don’t come over,'” further adding, “It absolutely terrified me when people did.
“I’d be thinking: ‘I’ve got nothing to offer you. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.’ It was fear, pure and simple. I don’t think I handled it well at all. My confident exterior was paper-thin.”
As she pens her book, she draws parallels between herself and her on-screen persona, acknowledging that while she’s a work in progress, she’s inching closer to Eileen’s level of confidence.
Reflecting on her past, she says: “When I look back at my teenage self, I just want to give her a big hug. But it was all part of my journey to becoming who I am now. My God, I learnt resilience and independence.
“I don’t have all the answers. I am a work in progress. I’m human and humans are naturally messy and will over-think things, but I hope my book will help any woman who is at the stage of their life where they feel invisible and powerless. We’re all doing the best we can, muddling our way through and I just want every woman to see for themselves how much they have to offer.”
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