Clara Amfo reveals she ‘mourns for her childhood self’ after being sexually abused at 5 years old

BBC Radio 1 star Clara Amfo has revealed that she was sexually abused as a child, as she opened up about this ‘life-changing’ incident that took place when she was a child.

The presenter, 40, appeared on Annie MacManus’s podcast Changes on September 30, and spoke about becoming a ‘survivor’ at such a young age.

‘In my personal life, my friends know about this, and my family knows now but I’m a survivor, I’m a victim – however you want to look at it – of childhood sexual abuse.

‘I was sexually abused by a friend of our family. And it went on for quite a while between the ages of like, I think I was five, coming up to six years old.

‘And it stopped because one of my brothers found out.

‘But it was, it was life-changing. Anyone who has been through any kind of abuse in their life, particularly sexual abuse, it changes the way you view the world.

‘Because from five years old, I knew that the world wasn’t a safe place.’

She then explained that as a ‘little kid’ she didn’t have the language to explain she was traumatised but ‘knew intrinsically’ that people are capable of inflicting serious pain.

‘Issues of trust, self-worth, you know, just ruptured, really. And the innocence just dies in you. You can never get it back.

‘And I mourn that for my childhood self, you know?’ she said as she cried and was comforted by the host as she agreed, ‘I’m sorry for me.’

‘Essentially, like, I was groomed, you know, and so as a little kid, you think, “Well, this is normal, this is just what happens when I’m with this person.”‘

She said she didn’t want to get too graphic as she said there are ‘perpetrators’ who will listen to this but revealed that her brother found out about the abuse by walking in on it.

‘But I’ll say this, like, my brother found out in the most literal way he could, which was unfortunate for both of us, put it that way.

‘And that’s how it ended, basically. And the change there was that that’s when I really realised, “Oh, hang on a minute, all this was wrong. I’m not safe with this person”.

‘Because the shame that comes from seeing someone be horrified at the sight of something. I knew, even as a little kid, even without the language for it, I was like, “OK, this is really bad”. And I internalised all of that.

‘It’s been a lifetime trying to undo that and just navigate that in my life, in my personal life, in my professional life.’

She then revealed that the trauma affected her throughout her adult life.

‘I basically had a nervous breakdown when I was like 18 or 19 because the enormity of what happened to me really hit around that age. I was like, “Oh f***. What I went through was really bad.”‘

She revealed she was frightened of seeing Christmas cards from that family and she would hide the cards.

She also said that she denied it ever happened to her mother, because of the anxiety and shame surrounding the abuse.

‘I’d have anxiety attacks. Like five, six, seven, eight, up to like 18 years old, like when I was still living with my parents.’

She then revealed she was only able to deal with the trauma through therapy, ‘I basically had to put myself in therapy in secret because I was just so depressed. I was so depressed and so anxious and so terribly sad and just horrified. I was just horrified.’

Clara then revealed that despite the fact that she can now express what happened to her, she has never been able to press charges against the person who abused her.

She said when she was 19 she was ready to speak to the police, but was talked out of it. ‘With my situation, I was going to go legal, and I’d gone to like Operation Sapphire, who was sort of like the Met Police, specialists in sexual abuse.

‘And they were incredible. All like my on-site care team were amazing. But then essentially, I got this really cold, very clinical phone call from this male senior guy.

‘He said, “Look, I’ve seen your statements, blah blah blah”. He said, “But put it this way, it’s going to be your word against his”.’

Despite the trauma, Clara concluded the discussion by affirming: ‘I feel very, I feel strong. I feel very in control of who I am now. I think it’s a confidence thing as well.’