I’m a ‘diagnosed psychopath’ — here’s what dating is like for me

Psychopaths are usually depicted as chilling, sinister figures, but those with psychopathic traits are often far from the stereotype you see on screen.

The term ‘psychopath’ gets thrown around a lot – especially in the world of dating – but it’s not actually a diagnosis.

People with psychopathic traits are more likely to be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) – a mental health condition characterised by a disregard for the rights of others and societal norms.

ASPD encompasses both sociopathy and psychopathy, which includes traits like lack of empathy, impulsivity, and superficial charm.

Take Vic (@victhepath) for example – a TikToker who describes herself as a ‘diagnosed psychopath’ – and talks about her experiences with ASPD, which she was diagnosed with at 19. 

The 22-year-old content creator, explains that she ‘can’t understand love’, and left her 260,000 followers fascinated after she revealed her approach to dating in one video. 

In the clip, she says that while she’s had ‘flings’ her whole life, she has only ever been in two ‘official’ relationships – both of which were short-term and only lasted a few months.

Vic claims she has ‘never been in love’ with anyone and did not love either of her exes. While she ‘enjoyed their company’, she claimed she knew she was not going to end up in a long-term relationship with either of them and was ‘just bored’. 

She likened her feelings to them as a ‘pretty heavy obsession’. 

Vic says: ‘I don’t date so much as I engage in hookup culture. I love a good friends-with-benefits situation, but when it comes to something more serious, I do not have the bandwidth for that.

‘It’s very hard for me to find someone I’m interested in beyond physicality, so that’s why I haven’t really had many relationships in my life.’

When it comes to looks, Vic explains she’s ‘very shallow’ and has ‘extremely high standards’ – so she will only go for men who are more attractive than she is. ‘I don’t like to be the hot one in a relationship,’ she says.

Vic only seeks out men who will ‘take care of her financially’, and she never pays on dates.

What other qualities does she look for? Well, some of the ‘must-haves’ on her list, aren’t that dissimilar to the rest of us. She tells her followers: ‘The person that I’m spending my time with cannot be boring. We have to have an interesting conversation. 

‘We have to be doing interesting things. They have to be somebody that captures my attention because I cannot go out on a date with somebody that I find boring, even if it is for free food.’

Vic’s biggest turn-off? Disrespect. ‘I cut men off so fast when they do something disrespectful,’ she says.

But what is dating a ‘psychopath’ like? Vic says: ‘Dating me though is honestly such a good time because I’m such an interesting person. I’m always doing something weird. 

‘You will never be bored with me. I like to have interesting conversations. I’m also very chill. As long as you respect me, we have no issues.

‘I think a lot of guys appreciate having the “chill girlfriend”, but sometimes guys can get very needy with me, and those are the types of guys I tend to cut off.’

Dr Sham Singh, a psychiatrist at WINIT Clinic said ASPD is a ‘variety of personality disorder whereby a person has a long-standing pattern of of lack of concern for the rights of others, a lack of empathy, and difficulty in being able to form proper emotional attachments’.

However, he said: ‘Not all individuals diagnosed with ASPD commit harmful or malevolent acts. Most of them lead fairly normal lives.

‘The one-dimensional way that ASPD is stigmatised, namely, being referred to as a “psychopath” is unfair to people who have this personality disorder.’

If you become involved with someone who tells you they have ASPD, Dr Singh says it’s important to be mindful of how self-aware they are, and whether or not they might be willing to engage in therapy, as therapeutic approaches, such as CBT, can help individuals develop ways of coping, improve impulse control and ‘learn the impact of their actions on other individuals’. 

Dr Singh added that one key tip for engaging with someone with ASPD is ‘setting clear boundaries’.

He said: ‘The reason why boundaries are crucial in this regard is that people suffering from ASPD may still manipulate others even in their effort to improve their social skills. The practical way to handle this is being straightforward, not getting emotionally involved with their manipulative ways, and always enforcing the limits of what is acceptable and what is not.’

But, Dr Singh did warn that dating a psychopath can be ‘challenging’ and potentially ‘hazardous’. He noted that there are some clear red flags to watch out for, as those with ASPD may approach relationships with a point of view regarding ‘control’ and ‘manipulation’, rather than connecting with someone emotionally. 

He says: ‘In a person with ASPD, the empathy or deep emotional bonding that usually underlines good, healthy relationships simply may not be there, or the level may be very minimal. In its place, the focus might be more on maintaining power or using charm to get what one wants.’

He added: ‘You may also notice a manipulative or deceitful quality, as the facts of a situation are contorted and distorted to satisfy the psychopath’s own ends. 

‘Charm can be a problem. Too glib, shallow charm is used to cloak deeper pathologies. Yet another warning signal is an equable veering between extreme affection and cold detachment.’

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