Gift giving can be tricky, so it’s not surprising that many people write Christmas lists in the run up to December 15, in a bid to help clueless loved ones figure out what to buy.
But this year some people will also be penning an anti-Christmas list for their family — and the concept has proved rather controversial.
The idea has gone viral thanks to a Reddit post on the Am I the A**hole forum, which saw a 33-year-old woman ask if she was in the wrong for giving her mother a list of things she didn’t want to receive for Christmas.
Every year her mother gets her family to add a wish list to a Google document, but she always struggles, claiming that she ‘doesn’t really want more things’ in her home, and that she’s ‘financially stable enough’ to just buy herself what she wants when she wants it.
A few weeks ago, her mum started the process of sending the Google doc around for Christmas 2024, and as usual she couldn’t think of much to add other than sports tickets and gift cards to restaurants. So she decided to try a different tactic…
‘While trying to come up with ideas for things, mostly I just kept dreading all the sorts of things I usually get for Christmas then have to find a place for,’ she explained.
‘[So] I decided to include a list of things not to buy me, figuring that might be as helpful as a list of things I do want. On the list I put things like “fun” socks, Funko Pops, anything I have to assemble aka “Merry Christmas, I got you a chore you have to do now”, throw blankets, jewellery, throw pillows, decorations, etc.’
Her mum was offended by this anti-wish list as it featured many gifts she’d given to her daughter.
‘I have told her in the past I don’t want these things. I pointed this out and she complained about how hard it is to buy me gifts and that just getting me gift cards is boring.
‘She thinks it’s negative to have the anti-list and wants to delete it but… my brother and his wife have both made anti-lists now, so have an uncle and a cousin. My brother also joked about a secret anti-list for their kids to avoid getting terribly messy or noisy toys.
‘Others are split, some don’t care, some people think it’s helpful, others agree that it’s negative and not in the Christmas spirit.’
The woman added: ‘I guess I just want an outside opinion on if this is an okay thing I’ve done or if I’m an ungrateful a**hole.’
Much like her family, people in the comments were divided over the idea, with some thinking she was in the wrong, and should have worded her feelings on the matter in a nicer way.
They suggested saying something to her mum like: ‘Please don’t get me items outside of the list unless it is an experience or consumable. I am trying to minimise clutter at home.’
Others thought she should have just added a few more things to her wish list and sucked it up, as her mother clearly loves to buy her things. Several people also suggested it would have been better to ask her family to make charitable donations in her name if she really didn’t want any gifts.
But numerous Reddit users thought she was onto something with the anti-Christmas list and hailed it a ‘genius idea’.
u/sickofdriving007 replied: ‘I’m just like you, have way too much and feel bad even donating gifts given to me (I’ve been given enough blankets and robes to cover all walls of my home). If your family is also doing the same it sounds like your mum loves to give and if I were her I’d be happy for someone to tell me what not to waste my money on.’
Similarly, u/azaleafawn wrote: ‘Anti-lists is a FANTASTIC idea! As someone who is self proclaimed “terrible at giving gifts”, I would be THRILLED to have an “absolutely not” list. If anything, it’s just reassurance that at least I’m hopefully coming up with something creative or useful. I completely understand why some people may find it negative but really it’s so helpful that I feel it’s worth getting over.’
u/necessary_device_227 was also a big fan of the concept, saying: ‘I love the anti-list. It may not be the Christmas-like thing to do, but I like the practicality of it. Some people are horrible gift givers, and there really is nothing wrong with giving gift cards or what someone really wants within budget than being given a gift you don’t want or just won’t use.’
Everyone will have their own traditions when it comes to Christmas gifts, with some preferring to do Secret Santa swaps, others going all out with huge piles of presents, and a few opting not to exchange anything at all — there’s no right or wrong with any of this.
But if you’ve been inspired to write an anti-Christmas list, or want to do something different this year, it’s safe to say that a big change could prove challenging for those around you. Clearly it’s a topic that stirs up some very strong feelings.
Navigating change isn’t always easy, so it’s worth treading carefully when broaching the subject with family, and really considering the best way to get your point across.
Money Saving Expert, Martin Lewis, previously shared some helpful advice on his Money Show, saying: ‘Christmas has become a retail festival, and it shouldn’t be. Christmas should be joyous, but causes some people unhappiness, debt, and worry. Now, many people feel obliged to buy gifts for others that they know they won’t use, with money they don’t have, and cause themselves stress they don’t need.
‘What I think, it is time for us to get off this gift-giving treadmill. I think sometimes the best gift is releasing others from the obligation of having to give to you. Let’s work together to ban unnecessary Christmas presents.’
He added: ‘When you are thinking about somebody, giving somebody a gift this year, ask yourself truly: is my gift a help or a hindrance? And if it’s a help, give it with joy and give it with love. And if it’s a hindrance… stop.’
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