Dear Coleen
I’m a 32-year-old woman and my husband is eight years younger. When we got together, the difference in our ages didn’t bother me at all, but now I’m struggling with it.
We got married two years ago and didn’t intend to start a family for a while, but I got pregnant quite quickly and now we have a daughter, who’s nearly a year old.
I love being a mother and have adapted well, but my husband is so immature and doesn’t take his responsibilities seriously.
He still goes out with his mates, drinking till all hours, and we had a huge row the other night because I said no to him going on a lads’ holiday, as it meant a week away from me and the baby.
Sex is also an issue in that I can’t bear for him to touch me; it just makes me cringe. It was never like this before – I fancied him like crazy and sex was fantastic. I don’t have the guts to leave, though, and I’m worried all those people who told me I was nuts to marry a 22-year-old guy will be lining up to say, “I told you so”.
I don’t want to feel like a failure, but I don’t know if I can save this relationship.
Any suggestions?
Coleen says
One of my sisters had a similar experience – she met her partner when he was 22 and she was 33 and they also had a baby quite quickly.
The first two years were pretty hard because he was behaving as all 22 year olds do, but they persevered.
Although they’re not together now, they were a couple for 26 years and, of course, he grew up and caught up with her and became a really good dad.
At the moment, it probably feels like the easiest thing to do would be to leave and, if that’s what you decide, then don’t worry about other people’s opinions. The only opinions that count are yours and your partner’s.
Also, I don’t think anyone would be queuing up to give you a hard time – I think most people would feel bad for you that it didn’t work out.
However, if you want to give the relationship more time, then keep talking to him about what you both need and how you can make things better.
Of course you don’t want to have sex because you resent him right now for not helping enough and you’re exhausted from being a mum, but that happens even when you’re the same age.
Think about how you can compromise, so he’s more present, but also think about how you can make time to have fun together and remember why you fell in love. Good luck.
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