Vanessa Feltz, the former This Morning host, has revealed that she still hears the critical voice of her late mother, who sadly passed away from endometrial cancer in 1997.
Appearing on Sunday Brunch with Tim Lovejoy and Simon Rimmer, Vanessa discussed her new tell-all book – Vanessa Bares All. She admitted that she had been hesitant about writing another book, but a “bidding war” convinced her to do so.
In her book, Vanessa delves into her life and reflects on her childhood. The ex ITV host didn’t paint a rosy picture of her relationship with her parents Valerie and Norman, describing them as “critical”.
The reality star confessed to the Channel 4 hosts that she’d “never felt good enough” and was always “trying so hard to impress” her parents. However, she felt she could “never be the person they wanted her to be.”
She admitted: “I could never quite get it right with my parents, they wanted me to be a totally different person than the person I am. They definitely wanted the best for me but much like parents today they didn’t have that unconditional love for the child that they had,” reports the Mirror.
Reflecting further on her relationship with her mother, Vanessa recalled her wedding day to ex-husband Michael Kurer. She said she “only married because that’s what her parents wanted her to do”.
Reflecting on her wedding day, Vanessa fondly recalls a moment that stands out: “Even on my wedding day all you can hear my mother say on my wedding video is ‘Oh Vanessa be quiet’,” she shared. “She wanted a quieter bride and that just wasn’t me.”
Despite graduating from Trinity College, Cambridge with first-class honours, Vanessa’s parents remained unimpressed, having hoped she would secure an “eligible husband” during her studies. The television personality remembered her father’s dissatisfaction when she returned home single, remarking: “‘Darling you have delighted us long enough,’ meaning he wanted me out of the house.
“It sounds like I am joking but actually I’m not joking and at the time it was an enormous burden,” the TV star exclaimed. When Simon inquired if she still felt weighed down by this, Vanessa responded: “The burden of never fulfilling your parents’ expectations, oh yes, of course I do.”
It was then that she disclosed how the voice of her late mother Valerie still resonates with her: “My mother’s been dead, god love her, I’ve missed her for every minute of the day for 29 years, but I can hear the voice, the critical voice in my head.
“Lots of people whose parents have passed away can have a daily conversation with their parents who are now no longer with us and it’s always the same critical voice, ‘What are you wearing that for? ‘ and ‘What do you look like that for?’, ‘That wasn’t funny, why did you say that?’, that type of thing.”
Vanessa struggled to silence her mum’s critical voice inside her head but found comfort in knowing others face similar challenges: “It’s very hard to say to your dead parents shh, shhh, you know come on I don’t need that voice but I was very reassured to hear that even Michelle Obama has imposter syndrome as that made me feel so much better.”
Sunday Brunch airs each Sunday from 09:30am.