You might think you can spot a cheater from a mile away, believing they possess certain looks or specific personality traits that give them away.
However, it’s not as straightforward as it seems. Isabella Mise, the international spokesperson for Ashley Madison, recently revealed that women want affairs. The online dating service, which caters to married people looking to cheat, has some secrets up its sleeve.
New research shows that while 51% of Brits identify as fully monogamous, 14% confess to having committed adultery. The relationship landscape is constantly evolving.
When it comes to finding “the one”, people are seeking various qualities, and sometimes, one person just isn’t enough. Ashley Madison regularly collaborates with its members to gather data for research and also partners with YouGov.
Over recent years, there have been significant changes in how people perceive relationships, which has been heavily influenced by the coronavirus pandemic, according to Isabella.
Having worked with the company since 2017, she observed the “biggest shift” in attitudes during the Covid period. She believes it was a time when it was “make or break” for many couples.
Isabella commented on the pandemic’s effect on relationships, saying: “Covid happened, and it was the first time people were really with their partners 24/7. It was a culture shock. For a lot of couples, it was the first time they’d actually spent all that time together.”
She also highlighted that people reflected a lot during the lockdowns, observing that Generation Z has a distinct approach to what they want from life. In line with this thought, Ashley Madison’s latest report notes that 16% of adult Americans have confessed to infidelity.
Numbers might show that confessed cheaters are minimal, yet nearly half of people are open to reconciliation, with 47% of Americans stating they could forgive an unfaithful partner, and 50% willing to overlook infidelity if it involved someone they knew.
Furthermore, she pointed out that it’s not only men who seek affairs. Despite popular belief, many women are curious about exploring outside their marital commitments too.
“Contrary to what many believe, women pursue affairs just as much as men, but for different reasons,” added Isabella. “According to research from Dr. Alicia Walker from the University of Missouri, women tend to pursue affairs in order to outsource the physical intimacy and sexual satisfaction missing in their primary relationships, whereas men tend to cheat as a means of getting their emotional needs met like receiving attention or validation.
“Her research was based on interviews from both men and women on Ashley Madison and her book exploring female infidelity can be found here, and her book exploring why men pursue affairs can be found here.”
Isabella also highlighted that commitment is interpreted differently by different people. While marriage is often seen as a lifelong commitment, its meaning varies among individuals.
She further explained that people don’t seek affairs as a way to end a relationship. Instead, some look for other ways to satisfy their sexual desires, while maintaining an otherwise loving relationship with their partner.
“It’s not an exit strategy,” she said. “People are not having affairs to try and end a relationship.”
As for the main reasons people have affairs, the report revealed: “The top reason respondents decided to have an affair was that they did not feel sexually satisfied (67% of Ashley Madison member respondents, and 30% of respondents from the general US population).
“Interestingly enough, the least common reason for infidelity among Ashley Madison members was overall no longer feeling in love with their primary partner. These findings suggest that an affair may not threaten a relationship, or serve as an exit strategy the way many may believe, but instead act to supplement the needs that cannot otherwise be met.”