Sometimes making the right choice for yourself can inadvertently cause pain to others.
When committing to a long-term relationship or marriage, one anticipates being embraced by their partner’s family. The essence of marriage is to unite two families, so it’s natural to expect a warm welcome from the in-laws and to be treated as part of the family.
However, as one woman has discovered, this isn’t always the reality. Her in-laws have taken such a dislike to her that they made “disrespectful” remarks about her job situation and accused her of attempting to alienate her husband from his family.
In a Reddit post, the woman shared she and her husband, who have been married for just over a year and share a six-month-old daughter, were once close with his parents. But things turned sour after they got married because they decided to merge their surnames into a new one instead of her adopting his surname.
Now, with Christmas on the horizon, she wishes to spend the festive season with her own family to celebrate her daughter’s first Christmas. This has led to accusations from her husband’s family that she is “prioritising her family”.
She revealed: “Last year, I couldn’t go along with their Christmas tradition because I had to stay close to a hospital because of my risky pregnancy, and my sister-in-law even criticised me, implying that I was weak and saying that ‘we’ve all been pregnant’.”
The mum explained she and her husband live six hours away from both families and are the ones sacrificing time and money to travel. After constant arguments with her in-laws, she decided to take a stand and told her husband if he doesn’t confront his parents, she will leave him. She doesn’t want to raise her daughter in a volatile environment and doesn’t feel “respected” by her in-laws.
She added: “Now my husband and his parents are fighting. His mum said if things went my way this year, next year, they’d dictate the plans. This was a red flag for my husband. Even after all this, I feel guilty and wonder if I’m the bad guy.”
Commenters on the post were firmly on the woman’s side, with many advising her that her baby and husband should come before extended family. They also noted while ultimatums can often be extreme, it was necessary in this case to make sure her husband understood what was at stake.
One individual remarked: “This is your husband’s responsibility to handle his side. His whole family are bullies. I wouldn’t take disrespect like you are being handed either.” Another weighed in with support, saying: “You are justified in protecting your family.”