Darts legend Raymond van Barneveld admits he is ashamed of his Ally Pally demise.
But the Dutch legend says he simply cannot afford to quit the game and will have eye tests in the New Year to prolong his career. Barney exited the World Darts Championship in dismal fashion with a woeful loss to Nick Kenny.
The 57-year-old admitted: “I am completely off the map. I am deeply ashamed of this performance.”
Barney says he was struggling with flu and continued: “I didn’t want to mention it on television. Then people think: He has that as an excuse again. I took vitamins, cough medicine, and lozenges. But in a hotel room you can’t say: I’ll take a bucket and steam.
“All the energy is out. You look forward to this all year, for days you deliberately don’t shake hands and do everything you can to not get sick and then you get sick. Then you’re a grandfather. And yes, then people will say: That’s him again.
“But when your nose is stuffed up and you can barely breathe, you don’t have the strength to play your game. I was physically completely drained. I didn’t have the strength to turn the tide. I felt no fighting spirit, just let it happen to me. I thought: please throw those doubles, then I can go to bed.”
Barney is adamant he will keep going as he said: “Beforehand I said: if I do not have the feeling that I can still win, what is the reason to continue? But that feeling was there. You never know how it would have gone without the flu. I have to think hard again if I want to suffer another year. I don’t think I’m looking forward to that very much.
“But I have to keep going. There is no alternative. What can you do? Play the MODUS Super Series for 750 pounds? If I stop, I lose sponsors and prize money, then I don’t know if I can live the same life with Julia as I do now. You have more freedom, but freedom costs money, because you want to do fun things. You are no longer high-profile when you stop. Nobody is waiting for a 57-year-old Van Barneveld.
“So I understand that people say: Why is he doing it to himself? But nobody knows my financial situation. You talk to me now after the most important tournament of the year, but I’m like that throughout the year after Pro Tours, Euro Tours and majors.
“Forty to fifty times every couple of years, you get that boxing glove on your nose. Then there has been one day in Hildesheim that you win, but then you ask yourself: Is this all worth it?
“Now I would say not because you’re not making any strides, but I also immediately talked to [sponsor] Ben de Kok and he said: Just keep going, I’m going to help you.
Speaking to ad.nl, he continued: “Kilos have to come off, I have to get fitter and also get my diabetes better under control. I’ve recently been to the hospital and at the end of January I’ll get tests, because there’s ‘sugar’ in my eye. I have constant problems with that.
“I don’t see sharply and it causes energy loss. There will be tests at the end of January. I already heard scary things like injections in my eye. That’s not something I look forward to, but my eyes and hands are my tools. They have to be good. I’m sure there’s still something in it with me, although 99 percent of people will say there isn’t.
“I know what I throw when I am practicing with Jermaine Wattimena, Wesley Plaisier and Gian van Veen. “But again, I have to live healthier, exercise more and create more energy. If I think next year: I can’t do it anymore? Then I’m not going to hurt myself unnecessarily.”