Dear Coleen
I have a big problem with my husband and my mum. My sister is getting married in Scotland in April, but the three of us, plus our son, live in South East England.
I have been driving for a decade and so has my husband, while my mum has been driving for at least 30 years, but doesn’t drive as much now due to declining health (and certainly not long distances).
Our driving styles differ in that I’m a little less confident on the road than my husband and he’s reluctant to share driving with me, as he’s a useless passenger. If I’m driving, he’ll make comments to our son like, “Mummy is trying to kill us”.
I can’t see myself being allowed to share the driving on a road trip to Scotland.
On top of this, I can’t trust my mum to wear her seat belt in the back – she has to be told, like a child, to buckle up and keeps taking her belt off!
I’m thinking we should fly to and feel it’s the best solution for all, plus I have loads of Air Miles. But my mum and my husband are adamant that flying is not happening due to airport/flying logistics.
Well, neither is going by car if it means only one person doing all the driving, and the backseat passenger can’t be trusted!
No one wants to miss the wedding. What can I do?
Coleen says
Oh, dear, I’d book yourself and your son air tickets and leave your husband and mother to drive up to Scotland!
They seem like two petulant children.
But seriously, this driving dilemma shouldn’t be creating this much of a problem between adults. So, I’m guessing it’s probably a familiar pattern in your relationships with your mum and your husband: she behaves like an angsty teen, digging her heels in, while he’s a control freak who doesn’t trust you to do anything. And you’re left in the middle, trying to find a solution to keep everyone happy.
I think the bigger picture is that you need to work on changing these family dynamics and this is the perfect opportunity to start shaking things up.
Be strong here and be in charge of what you want to do, and they can either work with you or make their own way over the border.
If you go for the car option, say to your mum: “You’re not coming with us unless you put your seat belt on and keep it on because it’s dangerous and illegal to travel without it”. As for your hubby, the message should be: “Less of the sarky comments about my driving as it affects my confidence.”
But tell them you’re going to the wedding with or without them. They also need to start appreciating that there are things in life worth debating and not compromising over, but this isn’t one of them.
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