Dear Coleen
I SPLIT up with my partner just over a year ago and we have a three-year-old son together.
No one else was involved and it was sad at the time, but I couldn’t rely on him to be there for my son and me, and it caused a lot of arguments.
I think he struggled with the adjustment to parenthood and started going Awol – working late, seeing his mates, playing football and doing anything to avoid being at home.
I felt like I was doing everything, while also working and, in the end, I figured I may as well be a single parent officially and not have the stress of dealing with him.
We separated very amicably, though. We weren’t married, so we sold the house and split everything down the middle.
He’s turned out to be an amazing and dependable father. He lives close by and sees our son all the time, and is there for me if I need emergency childcare. He’s been pretty much perfect.
I think he’s had the odd fling over the past year, but nothing serious, and I’ve been on a few dates that haven’t gone anywhere. Recently, he asked if I’d consider trying again with him because he’s realised he messed things up and his dream is to be back in our lives full time.
Weirdly, I don’t hate the idea because I’m still attracted to him and we’re getting on better than we ever have. He’s not putting pressure on me at all and wants to take it slow and see how things go.
Would it be mad to try?
Coleen says
I don’t want to be miserable, but maybe things are so great now because you did the right thing splitting up. Maybe you’re better off as friends and co-parents.
I get on brilliantly with both my ex-husbands now because we’re not married any more.
However, it could be that you both needed this time out from each other to realise you want to make the relationship work and that it’s worth fighting for.
If you want to try again, do it, but it’s important for you both to keep in mind it might not work, so you may have to go back to being friends. I agree about taking things very slowly – date and keep things platonic for a while, and build up to sleepovers at each other’s houses. Don’t jump straight back in to living together; think about what your son will make of it and whether it’ll be confusing.
The most important thing is to talk about issues that split you – are you confident they’ve been addressed, or could they resurface when there’s pressure in your lives?
Make sure you’re both on the same page and don’t drift back together because dating had been a bit “meh” and you haven’t met anyone else who has blown your mind.
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