We all have different styles of parenting, and some methods may be more controversial than others. Your toddler may be refusing to put a jacket on, or your teen may be adamant that they are not doing their homework.
Whatever the situation, mums, dads, relatives, and carers have to decide how to act. Now, a new parenting technique has arrived on the scene that essentially puts the control in the hands of the kids.
The FAFO parenting trend was first brought to the internet’s attention in 2022, but has only started gaining traction on platforms like TikTok recently. ‘FAFO’ parenting stands for ‘f**k around and find out’.
The technique is about letting children do what they want – and then letting them deal with the consequences of their actions. It is thought this may encourage kids to reflect on their actions, so they don’t repeat the same behaviours because they will know what’s in store or what the fallout will be next time.
TikTok creator Hey Janelle kickstarted the trend. In a video viewed more than 350,000 times, the online personality explained: “I practice authoritative parenting but within what I would consider a subgenre that I would call ‘f**k around and find out’ parenting… [kids] get their natural consequences and get to figure out the way through them.”
Rather than scolding your child or trying to convince them to do something against their will in the moment, parents who follow the trend let their offspring learn the natural consequences of their actions.
So if your child is refusing to wear a jacket, they will realise when they’re outside in the cold that they do not have the right clothing on. Similarly, a teen could get told off at school for not completing the work required of them.
FAFO parenting is even being used by celebrities. Kylie Kelce, sister-in-law of NFL star Travis Kelce, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, tried the technique with her husband Jason Kelce when their daughter wouldn’t wear a jacket.
Speaking on her Not Gonna Lie Podcast, Kylie said: “So he opened the front door, took her outside for just less than a minute. So no safety concern here. Less than a minute, she’s outside. She comes back. She’s like, ‘It’s cold out there’. And I’m like, ‘Great. Let’s put your jacket on.’ And then guess what? She put her jacket on.’
The technique isn’t for every child, though. Janelle, the creator, was quick to mention that if she had any genuine safety concerns, she would avoid FAFO.
For instance, if her child was refusing to wear a jacket but the temperature was extremely low, Janelle wouldn’t let him venture out without layers or something warm on, as it could pose a health risk.
Experts added that you should be cautious with young children. Tamara Glen Soles, founder of The Secure Child Centre, told CBC: “Very young children may not be developmentally ready for natural consequences as they don’t yet have the foresight and impulse control.”
Vanessa Lapointe, a parenting consultant based in British Columbia, also said letting a highly sensitive child fail “is going to feel like death them,” adding: “We don’t want to hang kids out to dry“.
The comments on Janelle’s original post also varied. One user commented: “That’s not authoritative parenting, that’s just good parenting.”
A second chimed in: “My parents did this and I was horribly depressed… strict parenting isn’t wrong just don’t make your kids feel like they’re in a prison”.
A third enthused: “We love FAFO parents. That’s how I was raised. That’s how my kids will be raised because that’s how they listen, behave, and learn.”