Steve Clarke has difficulty with, among other things, telling the difference between an appraisal and an assassination.
When John McGinn called Scotland’s Nations League going-over at the hands of Greece last Sunday evening “embarrassing”, the 30-year-old was apologising out loud rather than quietly knifing anyone in the back.
It was the kind of honesty I would have expected from someone whose mother taught my kids maths – and good manners – at school in Clydebank back in the day.
But the manager begged to differ when it came to the use of that description to sum up the team’s performance.
“After my time in the game, it is better not to use those kind of words,” Clarke said. Why not?
After my time in the game, which is even longer than Steve’s stint, I’ve learned if you don’t use the precise words that fit any occasion, then you develop a speech impediment while trying to think of the weasel words which paper over inconvenient truths.
Then we come to what we might call customer relations. The manager put on his best deadpan expression during his post-match press conference to explain away his side’s deadbeat display.
But there was more than a hint of disdain in his voice when it came to the subject of fan reaction at Hampden – as in the booing which came at half-time, full-time and in between time when he was making substitutions the crowd didn’t like or understand.
I’m the first to respect any manager’s inalienable right to manage, free of interference, but there are ways of reminding people about the pecking order when it comes to positions of authority.
Clarke put it in his own unique way when he said: “I didn’t really notice them, to be honest.
“I am focused on other things other than what the supporters are doing.”
The evening after Scotland beat Greece in Piraeus, I had a caller on the radio with an idea he wanted to put out there for consideration.
Clearly articulate and knowledgeable about the game, the man on the line stated, without any trace of sarcasm or jocularity, his belief there should be a statue of Clarke erected outside of the National Stadium.
On the plinth of the statue put up in honour of Jock Stein’s memory outside of Celtic Park, it carries the
big man’s quote to the effect that “football without the fans is nothing.”
Perhaps they could put “football without the fans would be a lot less hassle” on the base of Steve’s statue, should the SFA ever decide to commission one.
For me, any debate about Clarke concerns the difference between perception and reality.
The perception, in the eyes of those who want the stonemasons to be sent for right away, is the manager has been a proven miracle worker by virtue of getting Scotland to the finals of a couple of major tournaments on a back-to-back basis.
The reality is we stunk the place out when we got there in the European Championships of 2021 and 2024.
Nothing to do with personal likes or dislikes, just plain old facts and figures written down in black and white. We have witnessed exhilarating qualification campaigns followed by abysmal tournament football.
I don’t see qualifying as the achievement of anything other than obtaining an invite to take part in a competition.
It’s like clubs who have a shiny balance sheet showing financial prosperity but have no cups or titles to their name.
A balance sheet is not a trophy and qualification is not a prize in itself. Then we come to the subject of us and them.
Scott McTominay, unfortunately for him, went a touch early when, after scoring the winning goal in Piraeus, he said: “The feeling I got was the criticism (of the manager) wasn’t totally justified, given how well Steve has done. The media will always say it’s gloom and doom.”
The media will always offer an opinion in the spirit of free speech, while giving the likes of McTominay a public platform on which to express himself at the same time.
And, incidentally, sometimes it is all gloom and doom. Scotland’s Under-21 side lost six goals to Iceland in Spain on Tuesday afternoon.
The result was described by team manager Scot Gemmill as “embarrassing.” He must have mislaid the memo about calling these things a “bump in the road”.
But it was undeniably embarrassing to go down by such a humiliating margin to a country who might have been thought highly unlikely ever to inflict pain on that scale on someone with far greater resources to choose from.
Nothing wrong with taking responsibility for coming up short and owning your off days.
Or nights.