Dear Coleen
I MET a lovely guy a few weeks ago on a night out with friends. The attraction and sexual chemistry were instant and we’ve spent a lot of time together since that first night.
I have a chequered dating history to say the least – a broken engagement, lots of casual hook-ups that led nowhere and I haven’t been treated that well by the men I’ve dated.
So, when I met this man – now calling him my boyfriend – I couldn’t believe my luck. It feels like he’s the one I’ve been waiting for all my adult life.
But here’s the problem and it’s a biggie – he’s moving to Denmark next month with his job and, at the moment, has no plans to return. Neither of us can believe the timing.
We’ve both said, “I love you,” but I’m not in a position to up sticks and move to Copenhagen and he can’t back out of this work opportunity. I feel physically sick when I think about him leaving and he says he doesn’t know how he’ll cope without me. We’ve talked a bit about trying to see each other two weekends every month, but it’s still very much at the planning stage.
Can our relationship survive this distance and should we even try?
Coleen says
Well, they say timing is everything. Long-distance relationships certainly aren’t easy – you need a plan, ideally you need an end date, you have to be able to compromise and regular communication is vital.
It’s not so much the distance that’s an issue, the problems come if you don’t communicate properly. There’s lots of scope for insecurity and jealousy to take root.
My advice is to give it a try and see how it goes. This is still a very new relationship, so I wouldn’t advise you to make any knee-jerk decisions like leaving your job and uprooting your life before you really know if it’s serious and you’ve spent more time together.
Being apart will be a test for sure, but it might also help you realise that you do want to be together despite the challenges or you might find that you drift apart and start living separate lives.
The beginning of every relationship is very passionate and exciting but try if you can to think less emotionally and look at things more logically.
If he is the one, then there’s no need to panic or rush into anything – you have time.
And I believe if you’re in love and are meant to be together, then you’ll find a way to work it out.
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