We all want our relationships to work out, but sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. While things like arguing a lot or cheating are sometimes considered obvious causes of a marriage breakdown, clinical psychologist and affair recovery specialist Dr Kathy Nickerson has revealed there are actually four clear signs a relationship will end in divorce – and they are much more subtle.
Taking to TikTok, she said: “These are known as Gottman’s Four Horsemen. Do you struggle with any of these?” She then went on to explain the behaviours you need to watch out for in your relationship – because among couples who do them, she said the divorce rate is more than 90%.
She shared how Dr John Gottman of The Gottman Institute observed 130 newlywed couples to predict whether their relationships would stand the test of time. A statement on The Gottman Institute reads: “During our research study, my team and I asked these couples to spend fifteen minutes in the lab trying to resolve an ongoing disagreement they were having while we videotaped them. As they spoke, sensors attached to their bodies gauged their stress levels based on various measurements of their circulatory system.”
READ MORE: Man microwaves Gregg’s steak bake for 30 mins – result leaves neighbours furious
READ MORE: People spot ‘time-travelling child’ holding modern device in eerie photograph from 1941
Sharing his findings, she added: “The four behaviours are contempt where you have outward disgust for your partner, you roll your eyes, you groan, you make gestures that show you have contempt for them. The second one is criticism where you’re constantly criticising your partner.”
Moving onto the third reason, Dr Nickerson explained how stonewalling can end a relationship, saying: “It’s where you basically won’t even listen to your partner’s comments, you just put up a stone wall.”
She added: “The fourth is defensiveness where you don’t listen, you don’t take any responsibility, you just defend and tell your partner they’re crazy for thinking the things they do.”
While some users shared their own experiences with Gottman’s Four Horsemen, others thanked Dr Gottman and Dr Nickerson for sharing the warning signs to watch out for.
Commenting on her post, one user said: “Yeah, divorce is on the horizon.” Another user added: “Married 14 years…. Not even one of these. She still my queen.” A third user said: “What does it mean if I check off all the boxes.”