A couple who have embraced swinging together are adamant it doesn’t count as infidelity because, despite their sexually polyamorous lifestyle, they remain emotionally exclusive to each other.
Lacy M and her husband Dan, both 40, ventured into the swinging scene following the breakdown of their previous marriages.
The couple met on an app catering to swingers and, once they committed to one another, decided to continue their forays into the swinging world to “explore” their sexuality further. Even with their mutual understanding and desires for experimentation being met, they do confess to feeling jealous when seeing each other with third parties. To tackle these feelings, they maintain consistent and open communication.
Content creator Lacy, from Nashville in Tennessee, explained: “For me, I wasn’t necessarily looking for a life partner. I was enjoying the swinger lifestyle, but it was nice to have someone where I could still be free to live this life and have this relationship.”
Echoing her sentiments, Dan, also a content creator, said: “I was very similar to Lacy, we were both in long-term relationships and I was married for 13 years – she was married for seven. When Lacy and I first met, I was jaded to the whole system. I was against relationships altogether at that time but from talking to Lacy constantly and meeting her my opinion changed.”
Prior to their union, both Lacy and Dan had been involved in lengthy relationships; Dan’s previous marriage lasted 13 years and resulted in two children, while Lacy’s marriage spanned seven years and produced one child. After parting ways with their former partners, the pair individually delved into the swinging lifestyle.
Lacy said: “I had been single for a couple of years and had several long-term relationships that didn’t work out. The last guy I dated told me there was a club where people could go have sex and you could watch. The thought of watching and being watched was definitely a turn on for me. I started doing research into the swinger lifestyle and I joined a swinger website – the rest was history.”
The pair initially crossed paths on a swingers website in 2019 and started exchanging messages. Dan admitted his initial scepticism, as he didn’t often encounter “beautiful” single women on the platform.
He said: “She messaged me first and I was sceptical as you don’t see a lot of beautiful single women on these sites. I wasn’t sure but we chatted a bit and exchanged a few pictures. Later that night, she turned up at my hotel room and she was a very real person.”
The couple kept in touch, their relationship becoming official in September 2019. After four years of long-distance dating, they relocated to Nashville, Tennessee, in the US to start a life together.
Despite being a couple, Lacy and Dan were keen to maintain their involvement in the swingers’ lifestyle. Lacy explained: “For me, I loved the ability of exploring my sexuality. I love exploring these things with my partner. We are emotionally monogamous but very much sexually non-monogamous.”
Dan chimed in: “The sex is great, orgies, couples swaps and meeting up with single females is amazing – but also the community is amazing. If you are an adult in your 30s through to your 60s there are not a lot of social things people can do. Swingers have it down – half the people that come to the parties come for the party and are not there for sex.”
Lacy and Dan emphasised the importance of setting boundaries. They always stay in the same room, they only communicate with others through group messaging, and they insist on using protection. Despite these rules, they admitted that jealousy can occasionally creep in, but they believe it’s a natural emotion. Lacy said: “Jealousy is a feeling – it is about how you cope with it. I can get jealous when he is softer with girls if he rubs her face or back, or kisses her passionately.
“For me, it’s making sure I tell Dan it is bothering me. The problem comes when you experience these feelings in the heat of the moment and you make a scene.”
The couple also revealed how swinging has helped them build a network of friends. Dan said: “Meeting new couples and forming a connection with them can be hard so a lot of times we rely on our long-term friends.
“We have a lot of couples that we are friends with benefits and there is a lot of emotional connection there similar to how anyone is friends.”
While their family has been largely supportive of their lifestyle, some were initially taken aback. Lacy shared: “I come from a very open and accepting family. I was fortunate in that sense, they love us and they are accepting.”
But it hasn’t always been easy. Lacy added: “Someone told my son at school so I had to have that conversation with him. I wish he could have found out from me but he is in middle school and there is a certain level of people saying ‘your mum is a swinger’.”
Dan said: “My dad is a real supporter of it and my mum doesn’t talk about it. She said as long as it was safe and okay, that was it and we don’t talk about it. We’re really lucky, we have friends who have family members in the church and aren’t able to see their parents. We have been very fortunate with our family and their support.”