There are some things you just can’t forgive.
Relationships naturally have their peaks and troughs, with minor squabbles often becoming insignificant over time. More serious disputes about finances or health concerns are common as well, but the key to a strong relationship lies in your ability to move past these events.
However, one woman has been left confounded on how to pardon her husband after she unearthed secret disparaging notes he jotted down about her on his mobile. Declaring herself “heartbroken” and feeling “crushed” upon reading them, she’s at a loss on approaching her man about the subject.
On Reddit, she detailed her spouse is undergoing therapy and occasionally discusses their marital issues with his therapist. But after accessing his phone for pictures he captured of her, she inadvertently found notes for a future therapy session that he made about her – and they’re not at all kind.
She shared: “I noticed a widget of notes with my name on it and was curious so I looked. ‘My wife is fat even two years after we had our child. She has a pretty face, but even that gets lost in the frumpy clothing, zero makeup and double chin’.
“This crushed me. I know this was private, and he probably wrote it as notes to talk to his therapist about, but this is a bell that can’t be unrung. I just silently put his phone away because I didn’t want to find anything else. I’m heartbroken because I know now what he feels about me. Sure, our sex life may not be the best right now, and my physical fitness hasn’t recovered, but after reading that note, being ugly and fat is all I think about. I am just obsessing over it.”
The woman described how she has been feeling “reserved” in recent days since uncovering the note, feeling “too embarrassed and unloved” to broach the subject with her husband. Confounded even further by the note as her husband has “never outwardly expressed” such sentiments, she’s unsure what made him start to think so negatively of her.
Commenters on the post have mainly urged the woman to confront her husband about her concerns, and some suggest considering couple’s therapy given that her spouse is already amenable to professional dialogue.
One individual expressed their sympathy, saying: “My heart breaks for you. That must have been really shocking and awful to read. You have to let it out and talk to him. Holding it in isn’t healthy for you. Maybe you can talk with a therapist as well.”
Another added: “Talk to him. Communication can and does solve a myriad of problems. That’s a horrible thing to read. And your feelings are valid. But you need to tell him what you read. Marriage is only successful when we use our words.”