Parenting has many highs and lows, and these can happen on a daily basis. One part that can be a hit or miss is dinner time, with mums and dads having to find the balance between making sure their child eats their food and respecting their appetite.
As much as parents want to make sure their children have healthy eating habits, it can be a dilemma on whether you should insist that your child finishes the plate or not.
A new poll from the British Nutrition Foundation has found that 37 percent of parents always or often make their children completely finish everything on their plate, while 23 percent sometimes make the decision to insist that their kids finish their meals.
As we all want to do the best for our kids, experts have revealed what parents should and shouldn’t do to help their children develop a positive relationship with food. Dr Joan Brunton, clinical director for eating disorders at mental health care provider Priory, says that making your kids completely finish every meal could have a negative effect on their overall development.
She said: “Children who have to complete everything on their plate at all times can go on to have difficulties recognising hunger and fullness cues, and feel controlled around meals which can lead to emotional and eating difficulties later.”
Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist and founder of The Wave Clinic, agrees saying: “Using phrases like ‘clean your plate’ or ‘just one more bite’ can be problematic. If you force your child to eat more, you’re forcing them to ignore their natural brain receptors and overeat.”
Parents need to be aware of the impact that their words and actions can have on their kids. If children are receiving more of a negative reaction around eating, it could have a massive impact on the eating behaviours that they develop during their teenage years.
Also, experts argue that introducing punishments into mealtimes can be problematic. Brunton explains: “If there are other areas of strong control and punishment around not sticking to the rules in other areas of family life, this is more likely to lead to emotional problems further on in life.
“Whereas if relationships are good, portion sizes are appropriate and varied, children are helped to develop their individual choices as they get older, it is likely to not have much impact.”
Yassin has a particular disagreement with the use of phrases such as ‘eat it up or you won’t get big and strong’. She says that phrases like these are giving kids the impression that food is not there to be enjoyed but only to help with their growth. Kids may also feel a sense of failure if they do not manage to eat the full meal.
The major problem for parents is trying to figure out if their child is genuinely full or doesn’t want to eat the food. Brunton advises: “If a child is leaving small amounts of different foods it is more likely that they are full and it would make sense not to push them to complete.
“However, if they are leaving large amounts of important nutritious components of food this can be a problem, so try to understand why they are leaving the food and find a way to help them eat a balanced diet.”
So what advice do experts have for parents? The first step is to encourage your kids to eat until they are satisfied. This involves advising your child to listen to their own natural cues in order to not upset their own body rhythm.
Yassin said: “It’s important for parents to teach their kids to eat until they are satisfied, not until their plates are empty. The idea is to encourage kids to acknowledge and respect the satisfying feeling of being full.”
Creating a calm atmosphere is also suggested, as having a stressful environment when it comes to eating can make some eating issues worse. Children may also realise the “power of food” when trying to gain parental attention. Trying a calm approach and listening to your child could combat this reaction.
A key point is to not expect your children to like all of the new foods you present to them. It is important to make sure children have a healthy, balanced diet, but some foods may have strong flavours that they can’t tolerate yet. While you should try to introduce new foods into your child’s diet, it is advised to have a reasonable amount of meals that you know they enjoy.
Finally, experts say that parents should gradually introduce choice. Brunton highlights: “Choice helps people develop a sense of identity, learning who they are, what they like, and being able to choose the amount of food you eat can be part of this.
“Very young children need strong guidance around developing healthy eating patterns, and once learned, the reigns can be handed over and more control given to your child. Allowing children to take the portion they want and eyeballing it seems reasonable, and can be a good way to approach this process.”
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