Dear Coleen
My son has been left devastated and confused after his partner of seven years walked out on him and moved in with a friend.
They got together when they were 23 and have both recently turned 30. I was looking forward to them getting married (although no date had been set) and fully expected that they would have a family, so this has been a real shock and everyone is reeling.
They seemed really happy and had pretty much everything – a gorgeous home and a lovely lifestyle. Apparently, she told him she needs time on her own to think and he’s not to contact her.
My son claims he doesn’t know why she’s made this decision, although I’m guessing there’s probably more to it and he doesn’t want to share. We’re supporting him as a family and he has good friends but it’s difficult.
We all feel a bit in limbo, him especially, because she won’t communicate with us. I feel so frustrated because it’s like she’s cut us all off and it’s blindsided everyone.
I need to do something to help my son but I have no idea what to do. Can you help?
Coleen says
Well, it may have looked like they had everything from the outside but she obviously didn’t have everything she needed or she wouldn’t have left. You seem to be focusing on the house and the lifestyle but if the relationship is in trouble then those things don’t matter.
The truth is, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, even people we’re close to. So, although you’re shocked, you have to accept that she had her reasons and they must have been good ones for her to leave someone she’s been with for seven years and planned on marrying.
Maybe she needs some time out and there’s stuff they need to work through together. She told your son she needs to think about things, which doesn’t sound final, but it’s far better to sort any issues out before taking that next step into marriage.
They got together at 23, which is young, so maybe she needs to consider whether marriage is right for her. I know that it’s frustrating but all you can do is be there to support your son and stop driving yourself mad trying to figure out why she left.
Let her know you’re there for her if she wants to talk but don’t put any pressure on her.
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