A new mum has shared her dilemma about being expected to leave her baby behind to attend a hen do abroad. She is set to be the maid of honour at her friend’s wedding and felt pressured to join the pre-wedding celebration overseas.
The woman took to Mumsnet to explain that her friend was “disappointed” with her decision not to go. The mum revealed that her friend was having two hen dos, one in the UK and another abroad.
“She is having a home hen, which myself and the other bridesmaids are organising/paying for, and I am so excited to celebrate with her,” she said. However, she was also expected to attend “an abroad hen”, which she wasn’t ready for as she didn’t want to leave her baby.
The new mum said: “She has asked me to go a few times, and I have explained how I feel. However, I know she’s really disappointed that I’m not going, and I’m her maid of honour. Also, it doesn’t help that my partner is going on a lad’s holiday shortly after… but it’s just different?”
She reached out to others on the forum to ask whether she was being “unfair”. One person reassured her, commenting: “You are not being unfair at all. You are going on the home one, no-one is obliged to spend a fortune to go abroad for someone else’s pleasure! You’ve told her you can’t go. You’ve told her your reasons. She needs to accept this and stop being a Bridezilla!”
Another voiced support, saying: “You had made your decision (which is the same as I would have done at 5/7 months) and let her know in enough time. She should let this drop now. Can you say to her nicely how much you are looking forward to the UK one and how you aren’t ready to leave your little one?”
A third individual gave their perspective: “It’s actually a tough one, I think. It’s not really a right or wrong answer. It’s perfectly acceptable to say no, but it’s also perfectly acceptable for the bride to want you there. You are the MOH, and I assume accepted that role knowing there are obligations/expectations on you.
“I also fully understand you do not want to leave your baby. I wouldn’t have left my first child. By the second, I would have been there in a flash! Can your husband come too and bring the baby? Obviously, stay separately, but then you could see them.”